Aiden's Amazing Life: Fill #4

Well, I wish I could say that tonight's fill was just as easy as the rest of the fills but that certainly wasn't the case. We had a pretty long day to begin with. Aiden barely took a nap all day long and was pretty exhausted by the time Michael had arrived home.

We ate dinner while the lidocaine was numbing Aiden's ports and then cleaned up the kitchen before starting. Everything was prepared in advanced so all we had to do was get the Baby Mum Mum's for Aiden and get it started. I chose to do the back expander first. The needle went into the port and it was a smooth transition...no tears. Well, unfortunately sometimes the syringe is pretty difficult for me to push and I have to find some strength to get it to work. After about 20cc, I accidentally pulled back on the syringe and out came the needle and the screaming. It was awful. I felt TERRIBLE and of course started to cry. We settled him down (and ME too) and started over with clean supplies but when I went to put in the needle, he freaked out. Tears streaming down his face...it was heartbreaking. My mom, Michael and I all decided that 20cc was all we were going to get in. It was a disappointment because that expander probably could have taken at least 80cc.

I had to give myself a moment to pull myself together and do the belly expander. When I was ready, Aiden was looking at me and shaking his head no. CRAP! That was tough for me but I knew that he would not remember this after a few minutes so in I went. Tears came once again when the needle went in. Luckily, he had a juice bottle this time and he calmed down. My mom held onto the needle this time because I was afraid the same thing was going to happen. I was shaking to death but was able to get in 40cc, which was good for that expander.

The belly expander is now up to 275cc and the back expander is at 280cc. Not what I had hoped for tonight (at least for the back) but I know that this stuff can happen and that I can still do this. I am so thankful for my mommy friends who have gone through expansions because they helped assure me that everything is fine and I did the best I could. Thank you Christine and Amie for talking me through this.

I did email Dr. Bauer to see if we can possibly try the back again in a few days but if not, hopefully we can catch up the following week. Even though it did scare me, it was just a little bump in our nevus journey and I know that this is still completely manageable. I know that I let my emotions get the best of me but I have put it behind me.

Luckily, Aiden did go to bed EARLY tonight.